Mediation: Why It’s Better To Help Each Other Climb The Mountain

By Meredith Cox

Depending on how the day has unfolded I may indulge in N.C.I.S. or Criminal Minds reruns or some lighter fare such as Real Housewives of Vancouver.  One late night I tuned into Family Matters, Justice Harvey Brownstone’s show on Family Law.

The guest was former Alberta Court Judge, Michael Moran.  He was explaining his decision to leave the bench after 22 years to become a mediator so he could serve the public better.  As a mediator he has the luxury of being able to listen fully to the parties’ perspectives to help them solve their own problems.  He cited the “Judge Judy Phenomenon” where the litigants tell their story, she interrupts a few times, gives a quick decision and they cut to a commercial.  The result of the show is a distinctly false impression of the justice system.  Judges do not always have the freedom to dig deep and understand every aspect of the conflict.  Judicial decisions are frequently made in the face of incomplete information.  He realized the best outcome could not possibly come from a fraction of the story.

I was reminded of two recent cases in which I had acted for the husband and the wife respectively.  We started both cases by suggesting mediation to the other side.  They refused so we commenced a proceeding in Court.  In one case my client was threatened with contempt of court for trying to tell her side of the story.  We were getting nowhere and the trials were looming.  Neither party had the funds for a trial.  After many fruitlessly painful court attendances and thousands of dollars later we came full circle and agreed to mediation.

After the first mediation session both clients reported feeling satisfied with the way the day unfolded.  They felt heard and understood.  They sat with a mediator for the day and hashed out their issues.  Both parties got to talk at length about what they wanted and what happened behind the scenes before and after separation.  It took time, but it was well worth it.  Some of the misunderstandings were cleared up.  At the break one of the couples went out to get coffee for everyone.  They returned chatting and laughing.  The connection between them was tangible.  In both cases, the mediator used the newly built bridges to assist with designing the terms of the settlement.

The process of mediation got the parties and the lawyers into different mindsets of calm, compassion and warmth.  We worked as teams instead of adversaries to climb the proverbial mountain.  It was not easy, but both cases eventually settled.  Mediation produced healthier and more effective ways to resolve conflict for the clients.  Simply, it was less stressful and more rewarding for all involved.

About Meredith Cox

Meredith Cox is a collaborative family lawyer and trained mediator.  Her law practice and ongoing education have focused on the diverse interests of family law clients since 1994.  After learning about Collaborative Family Law in 2002, she was immediately convinced the process offered a better way to help clients create their own solutions.  Meredith is firmly committed to resolving family law disputes respectfully and sensibly for the sake of the clients and the children caught in the middle.