Tag Archive: mental health professionals

1. “The Good Karma Divorce” as a Prescription for Successful Collaborative Family Law Outcomes

   August 3, 2012 9:08 am Leave a Comment

   

   By Meredith Cox

   In addition to all the bad things we associate with the advent of television, there is another item to put on the list. All the lawyer shows have fostered unrealistic expectations about the legal system. Television judges always seem to get “it” and they only need an hour to do so. They are always banging gavels to signify a decision has been made. Then people start hugging and shaking hands. The halls of justice are not constantly echoing with the sound of gavels and quickly dispensed rulings. The judge does not always assess the situation with the same standards of fairness as clients. This is largely why lawyers can never predict what will happen in court.

   The Good Karma Divorce is an excellent resource for anyone going through separation and divorce. As a family court judge, the author, Judge Michelle Lowrance, understands better than most why going to court is not the best option for couples. She debunks the myth that there exists a “non-discretionary standard of justice that is not dependent upon the judge’s personal values.”

   I know this all too well because I argued a hotly contested motion before a judge, who wrote out his ruling in my client’s favour before he realized he knew a relative of one of the parties. He advised us he was stepping back from the case. We went down the hall to argue the same case in front of another judge. The result was completely different. We were not successful. Same facts. Same materials. Same family. My client was gobsmacked. My competitive side was irked. No one likes to lose, but even more to the point, I learned a valuable lesson about the justice system.

   Another myth destroyed by Judge Lowrance is the notion that the judge can solve everything simply by virtue of his or her exalted position using special powers. The gavel is not a magic wand. We need to be aware that a trial decision is not the wonderfully cathartic experience we all believe it will be. Clients do not leave the court room unscathed. They limp out exhausted, emotionally depleted, imbued with renewed animosity and a lot lighter in the wallet. Moreover, the blistering aftermath of a family trial can endure for years. People remember what the other person said about them in court. Generally, testimony is not flattering and sometimes people take serious liberties with the truth.

   Family law trials are about law and not about punishing the perceived wrongdoer. In our no-fault divorce system, you don’t get to bring up adultery and watch your spouse get yelled at. Because we have watched our parents disciplining our sibling offenders with time-outs, lectures, disappointed head shaking and raised voices, we anticipate the judge, who operates with similar authority, will treat a spouses indiscretions and misdemeanours with like aplomb.

   The Good Karma Divorce gives us a comprehensive four point prescription. First, you need to develop a personal code of conduct to guide your behaviour in the face of conflict and around your children. Second, put a harness on the negative emotions that swirl around – criticism, anger, blame, resentment, etc. Throw forgiveness and apologies on the fires of conflict. Third, prevent collateral damage to your children at all costs. Children do not just forget all the ugly details. Not all children are resilient. It takes an incredible amount of effort and forbearance to raise healthy, well-adjusted children. Do not make them take sides… ever. Fourth, you must not give up when you are tired of negotiating. Never assume you are the only one compromising or that your lawyer folded in your darkest hour. This is the point where you have to dig deep.

   Judge Lowrance wants us to view divorce as an opportunity for personal transformation and not a total failure. An awareness of karma as a force presents the ability to alter your life by changing thoughts and actions. Despite the belief that our brains are fully developed by the time we are adolescents, the experts now know the brain can evolve and change its structure. The scientific word for this phenomenon is called “neuroplasticity.” This is an emerging area for collaborative teams of family lawyers, mental health professionals and financial professionals. Part of the theory is that if we anticipate, manage and understand how the brain works in stressful, trigger-laden situations, we can achieve better outcomes for families.

   The good news in all this is even if you only adopt some of the recommended behaviours successfully, you can improve your brain’s functioning. It is more like a lifestyle than a diet where you have to do it all perfectly. You can adopt the principles at any time during and after negotiations. We always hear the saying “it takes two to tango.” When just one of the parties begins to apply the basic tenets, there can be a benefit for all involved. I took heart when I read this because I kept thinking how difficult it might be to get both parties on the same page at the same time. Karma? What is that anyway? Isn’t that just for New Age self-deceiving freaks trying to comfort each other in the face of evil?

   The Good Karma Divorce holds out the promise of finding a place of composure, wisdom and bravery with an easy to follow recipe. There is a judge in our region who orders parties to read certain books and prepare summaries of what has been learned to send to the other side. This book should be recommended reading for every couple and every family lawyer on the road to separation and divorce with regular reviews to ensure the learning stays imprinted on our collective psyches.

   As a dispute resolution process, Collaborative Family Law offers a forum for separating couples to learn important life skills, prevent more harm to the family and get on with the business of negotiating from a place of enlightenment.

   Regards,

   MEREDITH G. COX | Principal
   B.A. (Hons), J.D., LL.B.
   Barrister & Solicitor, Collaborative Family Lawyer and Mediator
   SWEATMAN LAW FIRM
   1400 Cornwall Road, Unit 11 | Oakville, ON L6J 7W5
   T.905.337.3307 | F.905.337.3309

2. Client Satisfaction and the Collaborative Law Experience

   June 25, 2012 3:12 pm Leave a Comment

   

   Jessie Lamont & Fareen Jamal

   By Fareen L. Jamal and Jessie Lamont

   Lawyers report the practise of family law litigation to be particularly toxic. The Collaborative Family Law Process creates a more desirable working environment for those lawyers inclined toward problem solving, as opposed to vitriolic litigation. But do clients have the same level of satisfaction with the collaborative process as experienced by collaborative lawyers?

   The International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (“IACP”) recently published their findings following extensive research [Linda Wray, “IACP Research Regarding Collaborative Practice (Basic Findings”), The Collaborative Review 12 (2012): 8]. Statistics reflect that the collaborative process is primarily employed by middle to upper middle class, educated divorcing spouses with children, most of whom use some form of the interdisciplinary approach (that is using financial, family or other professionals) in their seperation. Although the vast majority (86%) of these cases settle within approximately eight months through the collaborative process, there is a small percentage of cases that do not settle or are unsatisfied with the process.

   In terms of actual client satisfaction, approximately three-quarters of all collaborative clients polled in the IACP Professional Practice Survey reported being extremely or somewhat satisfied. Even more notably, the satisfaction clients felt for the process slightly outweighed their satisfaction with outcome.

   Clients indicated that they were satisfied with the manner in which their personal respect and respect for their viewpoint was maintained, the manner in which matters were clearly explained, their concerns and confusion addressed, the effectiveness with which their lawyers communicated, and the assistance they received with the development of their parenting plans and options for various issues.

   Collaborative Family Law creates and nurtures a “safe space” for clients who are frequently, at their most vulnerable, addressing a drastic change in their lifestyle, and experiencing intense emotions.

   Separation and divorce present a number of challenges and the success and satisfaction rates of any legal processes are important to consider.

   Seek out personal experiences of collaborative clients and lawyers before selecting the approach you wish to take. Self-examine what you truly seek from the process, and determine what your goals are. Collaborative Family Law may create an increased chance for desirable outcomes and, throughout the entire process, the greatest degree of client satisfaction.

   Fareen Jamal                                                 Jessie Lamont
   Bales Beall LLP                                              Bales Beal LLP
   2501-1 Adelaide Street East                       2501-1 Adelaide Street East
   Toronto, ON                                                   Toronto, ON
   M5C 2V9                                                        M5C 2V9

   Tel:  416-203-4538                                     Tel: 416-203-8591
   Fax:  416-203-8592                                    Fax: 416-203-8592
   fjamal@balesbeall.com                                jlamont@balesbeall.com

3. Lessons for Collaborative Clients and Practitioners

   February 15, 2012 9:55 am Leave a Comment

   
   by Diane Daly
   In many years of collaborative practice, I’ve had only one really, over the top, bad experience with another collaborative lawyer. A lot of files have been challenging for sure, but only this one stands out as absolutely over the top bad. And the first thing you think as a person who has separated is, “why is she telling me this bad news story?” “Why would I want to consider Collaborative Practice as a means of negotiating a settlement with my spouse?” Because the story illustrates two points:

   First, it was one bad file in about nine years of Collaborative Practice – that’s pretty good, especially when you consider the number of bad files family law lawyers have in litigation – I can’t begin to count them in 22 years of practice, there are so many!

   Second, it illustrates the importance of choosing your collaborative practitioners wisely.

   Here is the “Reader’s Digest” version of my story. I and another “collaborative” lawyer (I’ll call her Jane) set up and attended two or three four-way meetings with our respective clients. We exchanged most financial disclosure and were just getting down to the details of settlement, when Jane tells me (at a Christmas party, no less) that her client has asked mine to meet at Jane’s office and sign a draft separation agreement that Jane had prepared, outside of the collaborative process, based on her client’s instructions.

   The agreement was a horrible deal for my client, who was being pressured by spouse and children, also outside of the collaborative process. I pointed this out to Jane who knew the situation. Well trained collaborative practitioners understand that people don’t always behave well. It’s human nature. People are being asked to put their best foot forward at one of the most difficult and stressful times in their lives. It’s just not realistic to expect perfect behaviour all the time. As collaborative practitioners, we have to deal with that in a non-judgmental way, within the process, and still advocate on our client’s behalf. By virtue of the Participation Agreement that clients sign, and collaborative practitioners confirm, we are bound to withdraw from the process if a client’s behaviour lacks honesty and integrity. In this situation, I pointed out to Jane how inappropriate this was from a collaborative process perspective, not to mention the fact that it was a serious breach of professional conduct to have a vulnerable person sign an agreement at her office, without the benefit of independent legal advice. Well, it happened anyway. I found out that my client had gone to the other lawyer’s office and signed the separation agreement. I called Jane to tell her what I thought of the tactic and her response was that her client wanted her to do it, so she had to.

   It was a terrible outcome – not only because it was so unfair to my client, but more importantly, because my client wasn’t happy with the result. It was just a case of not being able to deal with the stress, and being bombarded with pressure, outside of the collaborative process.

   Jane’s behaviour in that process was inexcusable. But the really good news is that Jane is truly the exception. The vast majority of lawyers, mental health professionals and financial professionals who practice using the collaborative model have a genuine desire to assist their clients in a dignified, respectful, non-adversarial way, and with the very utmost of integrity. Our credo is “Resolving Disputes Respectfully” and we live by that.

   The anecdote begs the question, “how do I choose a collaborative practitioner, be it a lawyer, mental health professional or financial professional?” So here are a few pointers:

   1. Ask about their training. Most Collaborative Practice groups require their members to have a minimum of five days of basic training. But ongoing, continuing education is absolutely critical.

   2. Ask how long they’ve been practicing collaboratively? How many collaborative files have they done in that period? If they’re just starting out, they may only have their basic training and done only a couple of files. And that’s okay. Everyone has to start somewhere and the beauty of the collaborative model is that dedicated collaborative practitioners exchange information. We meet to talk about our cases (on a no name’s basis, of course). We mentor each other. We do not take advantage of the other client’s or lawyer’s mistakes. We strive for agreements that emphasize a “win-win” approach. If your collaborative practitioner has been around for five years and never taken anything but the basic training, and has had only two collaborative files, you might want to have a frank discussion with them regarding their commitment to the process.

   3. Ask whether your practitioner is a member of a local collaborative practice group. Do they attend group meetings? Do they attend any of the collaborative conferences? Do they demonstrate commitment to the process by working to develop and improve the process in their community and with other collaborative professionals?

   4. If it’s a collaborative lawyer you’re looking for, ask them how much litigation they do? Many collaborative lawyers do some litigation, of course, but if most of their files are in court, you should at least discuss with them why and get some feel for their commitment to the collaborative process.

   5. Most importantly, trust your instincts. Whether it’s a collaborative practitioner or a litigator, you need someone who is on the same page philosophically as you are. Your collaborative practitioners are part of your team, and you need to be comfortable dealing with them.

   Diane F. Daly
   Collaborative Lawyer, Mediator & Arbitrator

4. Collaborative Family Law Practitioners Are The Good Guys!

   January 23, 2012 1:52 pm Leave a Comment

   by Christine Torry

   There is a tendency, I find, for the public to see lawyers in a very negative light, particularly when it comes to the area of family law.  People need family lawyers when they are going through a very hurtful and difficult experience.  They look to the lawyers to help them find solutions to a situation they are hurt and angry about.  Often that is a solution that meets only their individual needs, one person in a family.  If the solution includes going to court, the experience can be hostile, protracted and expensive.  This is generally not directly attributable to the actions of the lawyer.  However, as lawyers are an integral part of the process, it is logical that the person often feels that the lawyers, theirs and/or the other parties’, have contributed to the very negative experience they are having with the other party, with the court system and with the litigation process they are involved in.

   In the litigation arena the parties often have negative experiences not only with their lawyers but also with other professionals involved.  Often financial experts are hired by one or the other party to prove or disprove financial wealth or income, or mental health professionals are hired to conduct an assessment of their abilities as parents.  All of these participants are part of the overall experience which in litigation, I believe, is never positive.  It may sometimes be necessary, but it is never positive.

   Collaborative practice differs significantly from the standard practice of litigation.  Lawyers and other collaborative professionals are trained to do things differently.  Their job is to work as a team with all parties and professionals to find solutions that meet the needs and goals of all members of the family as they move from an intact to a separated family.  Often we describe ourselves as transitioning from litigators to peacemakers.  We use our legal skills in creative ways to solve problems, not to prove a fact or win a case.  Our goal is to help families separate in a way that will respect what they had and how they will deal with each other in future.

   Abraham Lincoln is quoted as saying:  “Discourage litigation.  Persuade your neighbours to compromise whenever they can.  Point out to them how the nominal winner is often a real loser-in fees, expenses and waste of time.  As a peacemaker, the lawyer has a superior opportunity of being a good man.”

   My first training in collaborative practice was more than 10 years ago.  Since then I have had the privilege of working with many clients interested in finding solutions to their separation that are focused on their family, and how to resolve their dispute in a way that considers everyone’s needs and goals for the future.  With one particular family, I had the opportunity to meet with the children at a social engagement some years after their parents had separated.  The son, at that time about 18 years of age, proudly introduced me to his friends as “one of the good lawyers”.

   It confirmed my belief that the collaborative process helps all members of the family, particularly the children.

   Christine A. Torry
   Willis & Torry

   35 Queen Street South
   Mississauga, ON, L5M 1K2