I was a grocery store line up the other day maximizing my wait time by reading the cover of the National Enquirer. Divorce Scandal was the flavour of the week.: read about Kim Kardashian, Will Smith and Jada Pinket , Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Read about the details; allegations of abuse, of adultery, multimillion dollar settlements.

Think about your own separation. How would you like the details of your relationship and financial circumstances made public? Think because you’re not a celebrity your affairs (money matters and the other kind) will be shielded from public view? Think again.

As soon as you (or your partner) commences a court application a file is created, a file that can be viewed by any member of the public with enough curiosity and time on their hands to attend the courthouse and ask to see the contents. Are you bringing, or responding to, a motion for support or custody? Except in rare instances motions are heard in open court and the arguments made by you, or your lawyer, are made in a courtroom full of other lawyers, other litigants, their friends and family as well as court staff. How would you feel if all those assembled were told how much you earn and what your debts are, or perhaps how your spouse cheated, or is an unfit parent? What if your partner is making those statements about you? Think no one is listening? Maybe, maybe not. What if a co-worker, or neighbor just happens to be in court that day? Feeling uncomfortable yet?

Suppose you manage to avoid motions and go straight to trial? (after waiting months or years to get a trial date) That ‘audience”, even if it’s just court staff, will be listening to you on the witness stand, reciting details of your personal life, defending yourself against the allegations or demands of the other side. When the trial is over the Judgment may be reported. Now anyone with a computer can search for and read that decision. Trying to shield your children or other family members from the reasons given by the trial judge? How do you shield them from information so easily accessed over the internet ?

The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way.

When Prince Charles and Princess Diana split they negotiated a settlement, which undoubtedly involved millions of dollars. Despite much speculation no one was privy to those details because they wisely avoiding going to court.

The collaborative process is confidential. What is said at meetings stays there. Documents are exchanged between counsel, not filed as part of a court record. No one need see your Separation Agreement unless you want them to. Sound like a better way?

Protect your privacy. Keep things confidential. Go collaborative.