Tag Archive: family

1. Kevin O’Leary’s Cold Hard Truth on Collaborative Divorces

   January 29, 2013 4:01 pm Leave a Comment

   

   By Meredith Cox

   Kevin O’Leary is everywhere.  On the internet, on the radio, on bookshelves and on television (Dragon’s Den, Shark Tank and The Lang & O’Leary Exchange). In his new book, Cold Hard Truth on Men, Women & Money, Canada’s financial guru shares his opinions on just about everything from the use of Botox and fillers to “How to Spot a Gold Digger”.  He says we should repair our finances and not our faces.  Good to know.  He insists rich people need a prenup because good looking gold diggers are willing to date a person who is a lot older, uglier and wealthier than they are for profit.  No shock there!  We can all silently come up with tons of celebrity and real life examples.  Hmmm…

   The book’s brutally honest dissection of our relationships with each other and money makes a lot of sense.  As I read through the chapters relating to each stage of life, I reflected on where I might have gone wayward. I thought hard about the perils of “Ghost Money” (lattes, lunches and glossy magazines).  I inwardly promised to do better and congratulated myself on the smart decisions I had managed to implement so far.  From now on the balance in my “Money Karma” account will be on a perpetual upswing.

   As a Family Lawyer, I was pleased to learn Mr. O’Leary also has strong views on the merits of Collaborative Divorce.  Unlike the traditional litigation model, collaboratively trained lawyers are not adversaries.  They will work with you and the other lawyer to obtain the best outcome possible for your family.  In his analysis of how to fix or prevent various money mistakes available to us as we go through life, he gives a concise prescription for avoiding the twin legacies of agony and financial bleeding that can go along with divorce court.  I have broken it down into two categories:  no cost self-help and outside help you have to pay for.

   SELF-HELP AND YOUR CHILDREN

   1.  Be compassionate and respectful to your spouse.  Don’t let rage and jealousy cloud your judgment.  You might end up spending more money.

   2.  Do your own research on the law and the process that will work best for you.

   3.  Get and organize all your financial information.  Make your own copies to save money.

   4.  Money you have set aside as RESP’s for the children should remain in place for their benefit.

   5. Put your children’s needs first.

   OUTSIDE HELP

   1.  Don’t try to divide your assets without getting some professional help.  It can be complicated.  Property settlements are permanent.

   2.  Get lots of counselling from a mental health professional.  Stay in counselling.

   3.  Find a collaborative lawyer.  Consider mediation.  Avoid going to court.

   Meredith Cox Sweatman Law Firm 11-1400 Cornwall Road Oakville, ON L6J 7W5

   Profession: Family Law Lawyer  Tel: 905-337-3307 Fax: 905-337-3309  meredith@sweatmanlaw.com  www.sweatmanlaw.com

2. Trends: Census Data on Families, Households and Marital Status

   December 4, 2012 10:34 am Leave a Comment

   

   By Fareen L. Jamal

   On September 19, 2012, Statistics Canada released the 2011 Census data on families, households and marital status.  This event occurs only once a decade and it discloses important lessons regarding Canadian families and their living arrangements.  The new data reveals that individuals are choosing family structures that result in more complicated personal and legal relationships.

   Some of the highlights of the families, households and marital status survey for family law professionals are:

   • Between 2006 and 2011, the number of common-law couples rose 13.9%; more than four times the increase for married couples, which as 3.1%.
   • Same-sex couples account for 64,575 families in Canada, a 42.4% increase from 2006.  43,560 of these couples are in common-law relationships.
   • For the first time, common-law couples outnumbered lone-parent families in 2011.
   • 3,684,675 couples have children and approximately one eighth (12.6% or 464,335 families) are step families with one or more children and not biologically related to one of the parents.
   • 41% of step families are “complex” step families, whre there is at least one child or both parents as well as at least one child of one parent only.
   • Married couples declined from 91.6% of all families in 1961 to 67% in 2011.
   • 42.3% of young adults aged 20 to 29 live with their parents either because they never left it or because they returned home after living elsewhere.  This proportion was relatively unchanged from 2006, although it was well above the share of 32.1% in 1991 and 26.9% in 1981.  The proportion of young adults living with their parents was higher for those in their early 20’s compared with those in their late 20’s.  Young men were more likely to live at home than young women.

   These trends demonstrate an increase in competing family interests.  The families, households and marital status survey is rich with facts and analysis that will be of interest to family law professionals.  Click here to link tot he Statistics Canada Families, Households and Marital Status Report and data analysis: 

   http://www12.statcan.gc.ca/census-recensement/2011/as-sa/98-312-x/98-312-x2011001-eng.cfm

   Fareen Jamal
   Bales Beall LLP
   2501-1 Adelaide Street East
   Toronto, ON
   M5C 2V9

   Tel:  416-203-4538
   Fax: 416-203-8592
   fjamal@balesbeall.com

3. Collaborative Family Law Saves Resources in the Future

   July 10, 2012 10:57 am Leave a Comment

   By Christine A. Torry

   Like many of my colleagues, I have learned some fundamental truths working in the field of family law for almost 30 years. Those lessons are what led many senior practitioners to endorse the use of collaborative practice for the resolution of family disputes.

   One of the most basic truths is that despite the wish that a client may have to never deal with an “ex” again, with few exceptions, an ongoing relationship will continue for many years, usually as parents or grandparents, or for financial support.

   The cases that have been resolved through the traditional court process have a high rate of return to the court, for future problems. Family separations involve ongoing rights and responsibilities whether dealing with the parenting and time share of children, child support or spousal support. And there are always changes in the future that need to be addressed. Children get older and want to change residence, perhaps live with the other parent. There are activities to decide upon, and whether they should be competitive level or recreational. Children go to university and the cost sharing has to be decided. One parent may believe a child should contribute to post-secondary education, and the other may want the child to experience Europe for the summer. A payor loses a job, or retires, and needs to have support changed. A recipient remarries. If the parties have not learned skills to help them negotiate and reach agreement on future changes, they revert to the first method used, such as court. They can’t reach agreements so they go to someone, like a judge, to make the decision for them. The cost is significant in terms of time and financial resources.

   As a family law lawyer, there are many clients who I represented in a court process, that come back to the expense of litigation when they need to change something in the original order.

   One client separated in 2001 and obtained a court order resolving custody, access, child support and division or property over a year later. They had 2 children; a boy born in 1988 and a girl born in 1993. In 2007, the matter returned to court as the son was in college living away from home, and the costs had to be sorted out. A court proceeding was needed as the parties could not reach an agreement directly. That took about a year of court time. The client returned to my office again this week, as the daughter is starting college in the fall and the cost sharing needs to be agreed to. It is likely that a further court action will be required to sort that out as well.

   In another situation, parties were married for 10 years and were involved in court litigation for 8 years to reach an agreement on all of their financial issues. Two years later the eldest child began University away from home. Another court proceeding is needed and takes the full four years of the child’s attendance at University to get resolved. They also have a son, who is in Grade 11. Likely another court proceeding will be required in 2 years when he starts university.

   A third situation was in litigation for 5 years, and was back in court on at least four occasions over the next 10 years to address issues, resulting from a payor’s lost job, and a child’s post-secondary school program extending beyond one degree.

   I have represented clients in collaborative proceedings for almost 10 years. Interestingly, not one has come to see me to deal with a change. They somehow manage to do it themselves. They recognize that they need to work together in the future, and invest in creating a working relationship through the use of the collaborative process, to help them solve disputes as they arise. More importantly they don’t see the solution from a win or lose perspective. They are able to work on solutions that address everyone’s interests, particularly the interests of their children.

   From my perspective, considering the anecdotal evidence, there are strong reasons why parties should choose a collaborative approach to resolving their separation. It is time and money well invested in their future.

   Christine A. Torry
   Willis & Torry, Barristers & Solicitors
   35 Queen Street South
   Mississauga, ON L5M 1K2
   Tel: 905-819-2970
   Fax: 905-819-8379

4. Client Satisfaction and the Collaborative Law Experience

   June 25, 2012 3:12 pm Leave a Comment

   

   Jessie Lamont & Fareen Jamal

   By Fareen L. Jamal and Jessie Lamont

   Lawyers report the practise of family law litigation to be particularly toxic. The Collaborative Family Law Process creates a more desirable working environment for those lawyers inclined toward problem solving, as opposed to vitriolic litigation. But do clients have the same level of satisfaction with the collaborative process as experienced by collaborative lawyers?

   The International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (“IACP”) recently published their findings following extensive research [Linda Wray, “IACP Research Regarding Collaborative Practice (Basic Findings”), The Collaborative Review 12 (2012): 8]. Statistics reflect that the collaborative process is primarily employed by middle to upper middle class, educated divorcing spouses with children, most of whom use some form of the interdisciplinary approach (that is using financial, family or other professionals) in their seperation. Although the vast majority (86%) of these cases settle within approximately eight months through the collaborative process, there is a small percentage of cases that do not settle or are unsatisfied with the process.

   In terms of actual client satisfaction, approximately three-quarters of all collaborative clients polled in the IACP Professional Practice Survey reported being extremely or somewhat satisfied. Even more notably, the satisfaction clients felt for the process slightly outweighed their satisfaction with outcome.

   Clients indicated that they were satisfied with the manner in which their personal respect and respect for their viewpoint was maintained, the manner in which matters were clearly explained, their concerns and confusion addressed, the effectiveness with which their lawyers communicated, and the assistance they received with the development of their parenting plans and options for various issues.

   Collaborative Family Law creates and nurtures a “safe space” for clients who are frequently, at their most vulnerable, addressing a drastic change in their lifestyle, and experiencing intense emotions.

   Separation and divorce present a number of challenges and the success and satisfaction rates of any legal processes are important to consider.

   Seek out personal experiences of collaborative clients and lawyers before selecting the approach you wish to take. Self-examine what you truly seek from the process, and determine what your goals are. Collaborative Family Law may create an increased chance for desirable outcomes and, throughout the entire process, the greatest degree of client satisfaction.

   Fareen Jamal                                                 Jessie Lamont
   Bales Beall LLP                                              Bales Beal LLP
   2501-1 Adelaide Street East                       2501-1 Adelaide Street East
   Toronto, ON                                                   Toronto, ON
   M5C 2V9                                                        M5C 2V9

   Tel:  416-203-4538                                     Tel: 416-203-8591
   Fax:  416-203-8592                                    Fax: 416-203-8592
   fjamal@balesbeall.com                                jlamont@balesbeall.com

5. Collaborative Family Law: A Safe Place to Have Difficult Conversations

   May 8, 2012 3:17 pm Leave a Comment

   

    

    

    

    

   by Fareen Jamal

   I read an interesting account of one woman’s experience with her divorce, (in Hann McDonough and Christina Bartha, Putting Children First, University of Toronto Press, 1999) and reproduce it here:

   “The Blaming Hamster”

   During our marriage we were like two hamsters on a wheel. We ran furiously, going nowhere, hating our lives and unable to change.

   I couldn’t change because he wouldn’t. So it was his fault. I was trying and he wasn’t. It could not be my fault, he was to blame.
   
   Eventually, I couldn’t stand it. I jumped off the wheel, left the cage, and took my sons with me. There on the outside I discovered another wheel. Beside it was one for him. We took up residence on our respective wheels. The boys had to dance on the top of the wheels while we continued our war with each other. Although I never returned to the marriage, I lived out a slightly altered version of it. That too was his fault. I could not get on with my life because of him. He would do something, I would latch onto it, using his actions to justify my own.

   It took years of this craziness before I saw what it was doing to us. For years I watched my sons bounce back and forth, trying to please us, and paying such a price. One day, way too late, I admitted that I, as well as their father, was damaging them. I realized I could only change myself. I could not change him. Then, to my horror, I noticed that our sons had spun out of control. While we were fighting, they had slowly become delinquent, and we had not even noticed.

   The hamster caught on the treadmill captures the experience of several parents caught in these conflicts. Both parents feel that they have no choice, that they are forced by the other parent’s behaviour to fight.

   Some parents fight to ward off the pain of grieving. They would rather be mad than sad, and the fighting distracts them from pain. Postponing the grieving however, may increase your problems.

   The only way out is to invest in what you can control: yourself and your behaviour. Focus on what you can change. The only one you can control is yourself.

   The legal system escalates your conflict. The adversarial nature of the system polarizes problems. The win/lose, right/wrong approach may work in criminal issues, but as I blogged on December 19, 2011, this is not appropriate for family matters.

   Stay in charge of the systems you consult, and whose services you employ. They are there to serve you, not to rule you. Always inquire about their philosophy and orientation.

   Collaborative Family Law is a voluntary, safe, confidential process to resolve your matrimonial disputes, with a written agreement not to litigate. Collaborative Family lawyers focus on interests not positions, and may use neutral and impartial professionals, such as a financial advisor and/or a child specialist, to assist. Conflict, tension and emotion are not ignored by Collaborative Family lawyers. It is a safe place to have difficult conversations.

   Fareen Jamal Bales Beall LLP 2501-1 Adelaide Street East Toronto, ON M5C 2V9

   Profession: Family Law Lawyer Tel: 416-203-4538 Fax: 416-203-8592 or 416-203-4539 fjamal@balesbeall.com www.balesbeall.com

6. The Collaborative Process: Or Who Are You And What Have You Done With My Lawyer?

   April 13, 2012 4:57 pm Leave a Comment

   By Marie Nickle

   This process is a vehicle for lawyers to actually provide a meaningful service for clients. And why wouldn’t we? We are so well positioned to do so. People come to us at possibly the worst times of their lives. Their worlds are falling apart. They are stressed, sad, angry and above all fearful of the changes they are going through. We, as lawyers, are often the first they turn to for professional help. They are looking to us to guide them toward a resolution to their conflict that includes peace of mind as well as a legal resolution. After all, who doesn’t want peace of mind? Of course, we can’t advertise it and there are obviously no guarantees, but if even a small degree of peace of mind is attained in the process, we’ve accomplished something for our client. How do we do it? One way is being aware that, when children are involved, maintaining relationships is important for the client. Often the client is too immersed in their emotions to think long term. As such, it is difficult for them to form effective negotiation strategies. Often what is in the best interest of the client is tied directly to what is in the best interests of the entire family. We can help a client form good negotiation strategies by focusing on this principle. It will help keep clients centered in terms of what is really important. A true collaborative client will always agree that a good legal result has to include quality of life. After all, what good is it to bargain away an important relationship in exchange for a legal entitlement? If the relationship isn’t important then it doesn’t matter. But most of the time we are dealing with relationships that are important to the client in the area of family law. To provide truly valuable service we need to include advice that includes not only the legal advice, but how any given legal result will impact upon quality of life for the client going forward. This is what your client will thank you for. Not that I expect it, but I realized that I rarely even received thanks from a client, that is not until I started to practice in the Collaborative Process. Now it happens all the time.

   Marie Nickle is a lawyer and trainer of the Collaborative Process.

   Marie Nickle, LL.B LL.M AccFM
   Lawyer, Mediator, Arbitrator, Trainer
   Former panel lawyer for the Office of the Children’s Lawyer

   204-1715 Lakeshore Road West
   Mississauga, Ontario L5J 1J4
   T: 905-823-1232
   Email: mariebnickle@bellnet.ca

7. Enlightened Parents Choose Collaborative Family Law

   December 19, 2011 1:16 pm Leave a Comment

   by Fareen Jamal

   Parents who would never harm a hair on their child’s head, often don’t realize that the bickering, squabbling and high-conflict that usually accompanies a court proceeding when they seek a divorce, is the psychological equivalent of taking a pail of scalding water and pouring it down their child’s back.

   Research has shown that children of high-level conflict families carry the marks and scars of the conflict.  It is not the separation of the parents, but rather the way the parents interact that creates these problems.

   The nature of family law when encountering the adversarial court system may, in fact, encourage conflict.  Spouses verbally share the details of their most intimate lives, selectively revealed in confidential conversations with their partners whom they trust and with whom they share a close bond.   Court pleadings reflect a party’s own particular view of its position and may reveal irrelevant or prejudicial information.

   Family law litigants feel vulnerable and violated when intimate details of their lives are exposed.  This may be further exacerbated if the individual does not want the separation or termination of the marriage.  The allegations may include personal accounts, drafted by lawyers in language that emphasize intimate facts to bolster the claims of their clients (and sometimes as gratifying private spite or promoting public scandal).  Court documents lend an air of credibility to the accusations, whether or not they possess any credence.

   Courts expose the private lives of family litigants.  Courts demand a significant level of personal detail from family litigants, such as parties’ date of birth, home addresses, credit card numbers, bank account numbers, and children’s access schedules.  The publicity of litigated issues and court decisions may in fact be detrimental to a child’s best interests, and invade a child’s current and future right to privacy.

   Not to mention the potential of identity theft from family court files.  The personally identifying information in family court files provides a treasure trove of information for an identity thief. This information is publicly accessible to any party by attending the records department at any court house.

   No doubt these are some of the reasons why actor/comedian Robin Williams, who separated from his wife of 19 years last New Year’s Eve has chosen to get a Collaborative Divorce.  One of the clauses in the agreement read:

   “We will strive to be honest, cooperative and respectful as we work in this process to achieve the future well being of our families.  We commit ourselves to the collaborative law process and agree to seek a positive way to resolve our differences justly and equitably.”

   The agreement was to be child focused at all times.

   In Collaborative Family Law, both parties (and their specially trained family law lawyers) negotiate the issues arising from their separation in private, outside of the courtroom, with a written agreement not to litigate.  Should the negotiations not work out and the couple decide to litigate, the lawyers must resign from the case.  This motivates everybody to work out a settlement that everybody is satisfied with.  The process often employs neutral professionals, such as a financial advisor/and or child specialist, to offer their expertise.  The emphasis is on full disclosure, looking out for the children’s best interests, and reaching win-win solutions, rather than on competing and trying to “defeat” the other party.

   This is not to say that all family law matters belong in the Collaborative process.  I consider the courtroom much like a hospital’s emergency room ~ some cases do in fact belong there, however most cases are better served by other methods.

   With more than one-third of those who enter into a formal or legal first marriage divorcing before their 30th wedding anniversary (and the probability of divorce somewhat higher for a remarriage) and with an unknown number of unmarried cohabiting litigants also turning to the courts upon the dissolution of their unions, a significant proportion of the population are affected.  Most of these would be better served outside a courtroom.

   I applaud Mr. Williams’ approach, for choosing not to engage in vindictive behaviour, public humiliation, scandal or a bitter court battle.  I applaud his choice of Collaborative Family Law.  His children, although no longer young at 19 and 16 years of age, will no doubt also appreciate the way their parents have chosen to deal with their separation.

   Fareen Jamal

   Bales Beall LLP, 2501-1 Adelaide Street East, Toronto, ON M5C 2V9, (416)203-4538 fjamal@balesbeall.com