by Fareen Jamal
Parents who would never harm a hair on their child’s head, often don’t realize that the bickering, squabbling and high-conflict that usually accompanies a court proceeding when they seek a divorce, is the psychological equivalent of taking a pail of scalding water and pouring it down their child’s back.
Research has shown that children of high-level conflict families carry the marks and scars of the conflict. It is not the separation of the parents, but rather the way the parents interact that creates these problems.
The nature of family law when encountering the adversarial court system may, in fact, encourage conflict. Spouses verbally share the details of their most intimate lives, selectively revealed in confidential conversations with their partners whom they trust and with whom they share a close bond. Court pleadings reflect a party’s own particular view of its position and may reveal irrelevant or prejudicial information.
Family law litigants feel vulnerable and violated when intimate details of their lives are exposed. This may be further exacerbated if the individual does not want the separation or termination of the marriage. The allegations may include personal accounts, drafted by lawyers in language that emphasize intimate facts to bolster the claims of their clients (and sometimes as gratifying private spite or promoting public scandal). Court documents lend an air of credibility to the accusations, whether or not they possess any credence.
Courts expose the private lives of family litigants. Courts demand a significant level of personal detail from family litigants, such as parties’ date of birth, home addresses, credit card numbers, bank account numbers, and children’s access schedules. The publicity of litigated issues and court decisions may in fact be detrimental to a child’s best interests, and invade a child’s current and future right to privacy.
Not to mention the potential of identity theft from family court files. The personally identifying information in family court files provides a treasure trove of information for an identity thief. This information is publicly accessible to any party by attending the records department at any court house.
No doubt these are some of the reasons why actor/comedian Robin Williams, who separated from his wife of 19 years last New Year’s Eve has chosen to get a Collaborative Divorce. One of the clauses in the agreement read:
“We will strive to be honest, cooperative and respectful as we work in this process to achieve the future well being of our families. We commit ourselves to the collaborative law process and agree to seek a positive way to resolve our differences justly and equitably.”
The agreement was to be child focused at all times.
In Collaborative Family Law, both parties (and their specially trained family law lawyers) negotiate the issues arising from their separation in private, outside of the courtroom, with a written agreement not to litigate. Should the negotiations not work out and the couple decide to litigate, the lawyers must resign from the case. This motivates everybody to work out a settlement that everybody is satisfied with. The process often employs neutral professionals, such as a financial advisor/and or child specialist, to offer their expertise. The emphasis is on full disclosure, looking out for the children’s best interests, and reaching win-win solutions, rather than on competing and trying to “defeat” the other party.
This is not to say that all family law matters belong in the Collaborative process. I consider the courtroom much like a hospital’s emergency room ~ some cases do in fact belong there, however most cases are better served by other methods.
With more than one-third of those who enter into a formal or legal first marriage divorcing before their 30th wedding anniversary (and the probability of divorce somewhat higher for a remarriage) and with an unknown number of unmarried cohabiting litigants also turning to the courts upon the dissolution of their unions, a significant proportion of the population are affected. Most of these would be better served outside a courtroom.
I applaud Mr. Williams’ approach, for choosing not to engage in vindictive behaviour, public humiliation, scandal or a bitter court battle. I applaud his choice of Collaborative Family Law. His children, although no longer young at 19 and 16 years of age, will no doubt also appreciate the way their parents have chosen to deal with their separation.
Fareen Jamal
Bales Beall LLP, 2501-1 Adelaide Street East, Toronto, ON M5C 2V9, (416)203-4538 fjamal@balesbeall.com