by Meredith Cox
I have to get on the bandwagon and write about the latest news about Seal and Heidi Klum. They were the celebrity couple that was going to make it. Their marriage seemed perfect…to the outside world. They are two extremely talented parents with four adorable children. The first comments to hit the tabloids were from Seal. He was still wearing his wedding ring and said he loves his wife. From one report I read, it sounded as if Ms. Klum was not so quick to take off her ring either. The couple is known individually and collectively for extremes of beauty and lyricism. If their early statements and conduct are any indication, we can expect them to set the diamond standard for separating couples everywhere. We will just have to wait and see how this unfolding story turns out.
I started to think about my ideal recipe for the Heidi Klum/Seal collaborative family law process and what I would say if one of them came to my office:
1. Start with the foundation of the collaborative process. Understand what you are agreeing to do. It will not be like an episode of The Good Wife. No one is going to get off on a technicality. You will not be finished in one hour with commercial breaks. It took time to get in this mess and it will take time to unravel it.
2. Bring a healthy serving of love, caring and/or respect to the table. It can be one without the other two.
3. Be aware that being concerned about the other person’s well-being is not a bad thing. Be generous. Stretch a little even if you are mad or disappointed.
4. Really think about how your children are going to fare. This requires you to put them first before your own agenda. I mean “FIRST.” What you do now will be forever in their eyes and hearts. You are setting the example that will govern their conduct in relationships.
5. If you have done something really bad in the eyes of the other person, own it and apologize. Deal with it up front and move on. If you do not do this, expect the issue to hang over the bargaining table like an overflowing compost bin.
6. Do not refuse to give relevant information to the other person. If you do, there will be lingering doubts. The minute the phrase “none of your business” enters the discussion the other person will be hurt, suspicious and angry. Progress will grind to a halt.
7. Watch your language. You do not need to score points with verbal swordfights. Think about how you would like to hear the message you want to deliver.
8. Do not be shy about the time or costs of involving family professionals and financial professionals. They are there to support you, create options and provide vital information. Ultimately, their input will be critical to your success. If you do not know what they can do for you, ask.
9. Listen to your lawyer. We are there to advise you and help you make decisions.
10. Above all, use your own brain. Think. Be prepared to offer options and solutions. Do not allow this to just happen to you. No one will make the decisions for you. You are part of the process. It is your divorce or separation. It is your family. It is your future.
Meredith Cox
Sweatman Law Firm
11-1400 Cornwall Road
Oakville, ON L6J 7W5
Profession: Family Law Lawyer
Tel: 905-337-3307
Fax: 905-337-3309
meredith@sweatmanlaw.com
www.sweatmanlaw.com